Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize