then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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