He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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