i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
