maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
