after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
