This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize