I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
