Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
only you would photoshop your dick
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
