How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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