Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
