guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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