I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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