From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
