Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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