Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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