Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
