The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
