weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
