in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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