very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
