I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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