You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
