swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize