i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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