I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
