***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
