When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
