We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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