I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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