they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
how does that bad decision feel?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
