i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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