I am spending my child support on dildos
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
