If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
