lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
