I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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