Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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