I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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