Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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