I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
