my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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