Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
