so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
