my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
