i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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