I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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