and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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