I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
