I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
