thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
