He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
