I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
