I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
