Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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