I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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