Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
