I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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