Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
