she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
