did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
