Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
