thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
