Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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