alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
