dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
