My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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