I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
