If that was your dad, he is hot
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize