I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize