we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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