Please, let me fuck your mom
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize