Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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