I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
