my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
