Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
