put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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