she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
