i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
