I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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