i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
