Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
