Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
