so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
