this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
