Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
