You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize