Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You have to summon your inner elephant
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ok first of all what the fuck
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
