I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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