I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
