Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
