Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
