Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
