Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
