Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
