I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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