Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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